Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

Perhaps it is that phase when life begins to push you from every direction or rather, press you in from all sides. Personally. Professionally. Slowly. Relentlessly. The walls don’t rush toward you; they move inch by inch closer,until one day you realize how intensely you are suffocating inside them.

And yet, there is a strange feeling.
Even when the pressure feels unbearable, you still believe you can push those walls outward, not with equal force, not enough to break free completely but just enough to create a tiny opening. Just enough to lift your head. Just enough to catch a little air and breathe.

Over time, I have learned to count that as one of my greatest blessings.Call it resilience ,something I learned through the years, or perhaps something that was always built into me. The ability to survive tight spaces. To breathe even when the room keeps shrinking.

But alongside that another strange feeling ,quieter, heavier ,the feeling that no one truly understands you. No one understands the pressure you carry or the intensity of emotions you live with every day.

Today began with a call from my mother. She was insisting that I register myself for a matrimonial meet. Why? Hahaha. Because I recently turned 35 and I am still unmarried. As a society, I know many of you will understand her concern. You might even justify it. But is there anyone who understands how I feel? I doubt it. If that understanding existed, I wouldn’t be carrying this weight so alone.

And I say this without complaint. Because there comes a phase when emotions move beyond resentment and bitterness. When you no longer feel angry ,only tired. So if you wonder why I mention it, this is not blame, just to give a context.

Just last week, on my birthday, my cousin described me through a song lyrics.

“Ke tu rukti nahi hai, Ke tu tutti nahi hai,

Paise aage jhuki hongi apsara, Raani jhukti nahi hai,

Usey kabhi maine bheed me na dekha, Vo rehti kinaaron main,

Vo chamkili cheezon pe kya maregi, Jo khud hai sitaaron main.”

Its essence was this “ A woman who never stops, never bends, never breaks. A queen who does not bow. Someone who is never seen in crowds, who stays on the edges, untouched by shiny things ,because she herself belongs to the stars.”

That day, it resonated deeply. Just as it does today.And yet, even then, I wanted to rewrite those lyrics.Because the truth is she has bent.
She has bent again and again for her family’s happiness.She has broken silently, countless times, in moments no one ever witnessed.

She simply learned to wear a mask of happiness and strength in front of the world even in front of her own family. And time and again, the world has reminded her how costly that mask truly is.

For me, though, that mask has been priceless.It protected me.It shielded me from believing I am weak. Am I really afraid of weakness?
No.What I am afraid of are the eyes of the world ,eyes that look at vulnerability not with empathy, but with pity. Eyes that strip you bare the moment you show a crack.

And so the question returns, sharper every time: Why?
In a world where everyone seems to chase sympathy, why does vulnerability feel like exposure? Why does it feel like standing naked under judgmental light? Isn’t vulnerability supposed to be a sign of strength?

Yes. It is.And perhaps that is the hardest truth of all that I am not as strong as I appear to be.I am simply a girl whom life has disappointed many times… and yet, she is still standing tall. Still learning to add one more ounce of strength with every disappointment.

Do I expect anything from life?
Maybe yes. Maybe not.But right now, there is only one thing I ask from life and from myself.

Let the universe give me just a little more strength to survive one day at a time.
Let me become a better version of yesterday.
Let me learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

That is all. If that happens,
perhaps that will be enough.